Vertigo in Toronto

In Memory

2006-09-07T15:26:00.000-03:00

"For heroes have the whole earth for their tomb; and in lands far from their own, where the column with its epitaph declares it, there is enshrined in every breast a record unwritten with no tablet to preserve it, except that of the heart...to a man of spirit, the degradation of cowardice must be immeasurably more grievous than the unfelt death which strikes him in the midst of his strength"

-Pericles' Funeral Oration, Thucydides

1 year ago, my father concluded his battle with cancer. He was someone who never gave up, always remaining positive and helping others in the course of his long journey. His courage was an inspiration to many. To his colleagues, he was friendly, jovial, and helpful. Coming from a humble background, he bore the blows of fate with great fortitude, and always remained humble. He was an extremely principled person, which he came to realise was antithetical to the nature of the industry he was engaged in. But nevertheless he persevered. What is a fitting tribute to man whose actions are a testimony of his virtue? Perhaps there is none better than the recollection of those actions. He will be one of those rare few people of whom I will say unflinchingly: he was a good man. Please join me to remember him today.

Walk on

2006-08-15T01:27:00.000-03:00

Here I should account for the long absence, but not before mentioning that I will be migrating to a new blog and this one will be lying dormant for a very long time. Those who are interested, send me an email and I will very gladly send you the address. I have given it a lot of thought, and after a lot of careful consideration, it is a kind of golden mean between self-important massive blogging and not blogging at all. I will be posting actively on that blog from today onwards.

The last one month has been pretty fruitful, seeing out the final clash of the titans in the 2006 world cup, dealing with reservist and IPPT and surviving pretty well, as well as dealing with school/module admin. Those who know me would very much know that I don't have a strong liking for all of the aforementioned, but I have since come to have a deeper appreciation for all 3: especially being a soldier, I've never liked the concept of armed combat nor ordering people around. Having taken on the role of scout team commander this time round, I'm especially thankful that my team's intelligence requirements were fulfilled (I esp have to thank God). Thanks to the whole Delta team: Thong, Junwei, Zhenhui, Junren, its been great working with you. Also, the world cup samba soundtrack of Shakira/Wyclef/Mendes and other soccer tracks have given way to guitar strumming and U2. I am considering continuing the posts introducing the discography of some of my favourite bands (Ace of Base, U2 etc).

School has since started and I'm taking on 5 modules this semester, all are level 4000s save for one on Continental European Philosophy (Kierkegaard, Nietzsche, Heidegger, Sartre to the Post Structuralists: I thought the survey might have been a little too broad) which is 3000. That prima facie means a lot of work, as well as many more nights spent thinking about useless things. I may be more quiet and impatient than usual, so if you see me in one of those moods, don't think that I'm ignoring you. Many times, what is left unsaid may be much more significant and important that what is expressed: it is as true for texts as it is for human beings. To all of you who have returned to Toronto (Leslie, Alina, Ann) and other places (Dan in Adelaide etc), keep working hard and stay in touch. I have to walk on for now.

Half Time, Germany 2 Costa Rica 1

2006-06-09T13:51:00.000-03:00

Greetings frm HK, all! What a bloody awesome First half of an opening game, spectacular even for a non-soccer fan me. Looks like its going to be a German victory...

Welcome back, Hui Xuan! Remember: you can't have your chocolate-cheesecake and eat it at the same time :P

Hiatus

2006-05-31T06:59:00.000-03:00

I've decided to take a break from (irregular anyway) posting, at least till the end of july, I will be mostly reflecting on my own life, trying new things and trying to read more. I think I've expressed my disdain for blogging about mundane things already. But don't get me wrong, having a mundane life with simple pleasures and being happy with it all is indeed a great blessing in life. I hate to complain when things are actually non-issues. With respect to politics local, international and modern: I have no exec power, and when it comes to debate, many others in the blogosphere have much more learned opinions than I do, and I can do no more than read and learn from others. Now I think its a good thing that I feel stupid among others, because only then can you hope to become more learned.

Sometimes I really wonder if the two conflicting sides of my personality can be harmonised: on the one hand, I talking to people, having friends and being in their midst: friends are a blessing, and friendship is one of the greatest gifts one can ever receive in life. On the other, I am deeply contemplative and reserved. Those who only know me as a gamer, or racing fan, or music fan, or reader, or tech guy, or Christian, or philosophy student really do not know me at all. Anyway, I am quite sick of giving my "apology" to the many who ask why I take philosophy seriously enough to sacrifice my grades, time, and brainpower to it. No, I am not one of those with his head in the clouds all the time, and yes, I've actually thought about becoming a scientist, "evangelist", DJ, doctor, businessman, Remisier and economist before. I've entertained many alternative courses of study, from Com Science to Economics to Theoretical Physics, many times also wondering whether I'm smart enough for them. Anyway, I vividly remember being warned by my dad about not becoming a Remisier, and becoming very pissed off after a lukewarm response to my request to impart his knowledge. I always remember his state of dejection when he said that it was all a huge fraud, just like the rest of the business world, and the number of people who were ruined and subsequently committed suicide. I also witnessed first hand what money (or the loss of it) does to someone, an incident which I shall not recount here. Somehow, I always knew that he never wanted me to enter his profession. I found out for myself independently why I should not, and I don't think my judgement has changed. Those who claim to have a better understanding than me, I invite you to show me why I'm mistaken. So after considering what I can live with and what I can't, I think the majority of jobs just don't interest me at all. Once again, if you are unhappy with what you are doing, you should ask yourself why you are doing it at all. And once again, I am not anti-modern, antiquarian.

To me, the central question of political philosophy is still the question of justice in the larger context. Just as Tolstoy asked "how should we live?", first philosophy should most definitely be ethics, and a comprehensive account of it is found in PP. As a Christian, the central question is definitely God, which is indeed a much more "originary" than ethics, metaphysics, politics and all the others you can name. If this question can even admit of an answer, everything naturally follows. Indeed, I don't think that Christians should be uncomfortable with confronting the difficult problems of revelation, coexistence and truth, love, life, death, evil, and modernity. One should never go to church simply for an edifying sermon and to feel "comfortable". As for the evangelists, I think the so-called "lifestyle evangelism" is much more fitting alternative than distributing flyers on God or attempting to persuade through speech. Christianity emphasises the priority of the deed, not the speech like Greek Philosophy. But if indeed one is consistent, i believe that the deed converges with the speech and harmonises with "reason" (logos). I really wonder what most Christians make of Nietzsche's comment that "the last Christian died on the cross". I think the most I can do to remember and honour God is to wrestle with him, and never run away. Perhaps its my lot in life to keep being unhappy with answers. God forgive me.

Anyway I really hate talking about me, myself and I, as if I'm that important at all. However, I will earnestly reveal my thoughts to those who ask, and are prepared for my answers. That's the only way it should be. Why hold those captive to your rambling when they don't wan't to hear it?

I have been resting on my laurels for way too long, wasting time procrastinating: its about time I started taking my work more seriously. Too much awaits, and its time :)

PS: Loy and Ann (soon!), welcome back to Sg!

I can't sleep

2006-05-18T21:30:00.000-03:00

Amazing, almost 2.5 weeks flew by since examinations ended. From then till now, I've been kinda like in a semi-limbo, not because I'm lost and have no direction. Its more like procrastinating and lack of motivation. This morning, a friend of mine reminded me that I haven't been updating my blog. The fact is, I really don't write unless I am really inspired, otherwise you will get pieces of half-f*** writing like this one. The problem is, my blog is really an anomaly: there is no elegance of a one off, carefully crafted work like a novel or an essay, or regular continuity like a newspaper or periodical. More problematically, I'm pretty sure not everything is suitable for consumption for everyone. I don't mean this in the "esoteric" secret society sense, but rather, some take better to certain kinds of controversy and others might be offended. Others may not even understand, so I try to keep to the mundane stuff, which simply for me is, mundane. I don't even like writing about myself (I mean, who would really be interested to know? :P). I think people relate much better, and get in touch much more when they converse face to face or on a dialogical, individual level rather than through "mass" media. And other times, I think I am just plain lazy, and that's when I have a deeper admiration for my friends Loy and Ann, who not only find the energy to write almost daily but whose blogs are full of wisdom. Perhaps that calls for a change in my lifestyle.

In other news, paintball and karting in KL 2 weekends ago was quite a blast. As usual, paintball was greatly anticipated but proved to be quite a letdown this time: 1 minute into the first round, my not-so-airtight and scratched visor started fogging up,coupled with the floodlights illuminating the field, I could not see shit, not even 5 meters ahead of me. The problem was compounded by my overly garung leopard crawl to the lalang and the consequently, heavier breathing. I could not take off the visor when in the field (its a rule, and even if you could, u totally wouldn't want to, trust me) and had to hide like a scared guinea pig behind the barrier. End of round one. Lots of wiping the visor and tightening the strap holding it to my face. Round two: Ran to stack of tires while avoiding enemy fire. Visor fogs up again. Hide behind cover (can't see=can't run+can't aim and shoot+can't touch objective). Repeat till end of paintball session when it started pouring. Terrible. Fortunately, paintball is very much a team game and Wai Lam managed to save the day for our team by capturing the flag when he was last man standing. Next session must make sure we play with better visors.

Karting on the other hand was a little bit better, i managed to clock a best time of 1:17.5, with 2 other laps hovering around the 1:18 mark at the shah alam karting circuit. The thing about the crappy rental karts is, there is really very little straight line speed due to the lack of engine capacity compared with the 100cc competition karts, and if you take a wrong line into the corner and lose traction you will be punished most severely for it. The 100cc karts on the other hand can overtake you without even trying, and clocks an average of 57sec a lap, 20 secs faster than the 80cc rental ones. Damn I need to try the 100cc soon. Not to forget, thank you Lawrence for getting on the track even when you didn't really want to.

Last few short bits which I will try to expand on:

Welcome home, Faith, Anna, Hannah and Leslie from Canada!

I want to thank the Safra Air Rifle Club secretary, M Hussen for not replying to my mail, and letting me find out this morning (not from him) that I still need to take the intro course even when I already know how to handle the air rifle, not to mention the SAR21 and M16 (which can really kill!) Due to their kind understanding and the Air Rifle Club's principled stand, I still need to take the July beginner's course, because I will be out of the country during the June one and missed the May session which ended today. To someone who has recently rediscovered his passion for shooting, you all have been a great encouragement to me!

I've restarted my World of Warcraft subscription, but not really playing regularly. Also restarted Diablo but not really regular.

My comp's regularly not turning on and yesterday has just gone on a full strike. Its time to fix the troublemaker.

Kojeve is f***ing brilliant.

Saw Da Vinci code yesterday, I have yet to read the novel but I earnestly think the Novel would have been better.

Been waking up at 6AM everyday for no apparent reason, no matter what time I hit the sack. I need to go see one of my newly commissioned doctors soon, I fear.

One more thing: someone really has to teach me a better way of sharing photos. Take very good care everyone, and I will try to meet up with all of you soon.

"Regarding waiver of madatory shooting course"

2006-05-04T01:46:00.000-03:00

Dear Sir,

I have recently decided to pick up the 0.177 air rifle again after not having shot for quite a while. Upon enquiring on the SAFRA Shooting Club membership today, I was told that all new shooters have to attend a shooting course before they can begin shooting. I understand that this is to teach them the basics of shooting and weapon handling, but being formerly from the VJC Air Rifle Club from 1999-2000 and having shot for 6 Division (2002) during my Army days, I wonder if it is possible for me to be exempted from the course? I understand that your consent is required, and am looking forward to your reply.

Thank you,
Mr Nicholas Cai Xianhui

A short update

2006-04-27T10:24:00.000-03:00

Yes, I am still alive. Last paper's on May 2nd, so until then, this will be possibly the last update till Tues, I'm pretty sure that's no big deal anyway (who reads this crap?). For now, I shall take a moment to lament the sad state of Singapore Politics. First, let me clarify that this blog does not consistently endorse any political stance. I am pretty sure I will change my mind tomorrow and this will just be a passing phase.

I am surely not the first to suggest this: that Singapore should seriously consider adopting a variant of the proportional representation system, as used by New Zealand and Israel (Similar population size). In Israel, as long as a party garners at least 2% of the total votes, they will have a seat in parliament. This would ensure that the opposition can represent the people who have voted for them. I will not try to go through all the merits here, but I must say there are demerits of every system. But what really is this thing called democracy? As Lincoln put it, government of the people, by the people and for the people. Just take the Thai election fiasco for example: as the King of Thailand has mentioned recently, an election that is hardly contested cannot be called democratic.

As the PAP surely marches to their upteemth election victory, I think I just cannot believe that local politics involves largely who gets the lift upgrades and who does not. This is getting increasingly stale and childish: I don't even want to say any more about this subject, to say nothing of Podcasts and Vodcasts. And yes, the PAP are right. With the exception of a few good opposition candidates, the opposition looks largely uninspiring. And please, Dr Chee, you are no Martin Luther King jr, do yourself and your party a favour, be prudent and don't run everyone into the ground. No matter what anyone says, I am never for one moment out of touch with Realpolitik. I still find Max Weber ("Politics as a Vocation"), Morgenthau, Machiavelli and Hobbes incredibly accurate in describing the political as it really is.

Lastly, the parliament is supposed to be the symbol of representative government, a government of the people, by the people and for the people. In a democracy, sovereignty lies in the hands of the people. Let us never forget that. Please think carefully before you decide which joker to put in office. Also, if you are voting, don't let your fear overtake you and vote for the less deserving candidate. Cherish your vote when u get to exercise it, because you won't know when you will get to exercise it again. I know I won't have that chance this time round...WTF.

Il Canto degli Italiani

2006-04-27T08:42:00.000-03:00

On sunday, Ferrari took their first win of the year at Imola in front of their home crowd, the "Tifosi". The crazed group of die hard Ferrari fans congregated under the podium in front of a jubiliant Michael Schumacher, who took the chequered flag in a race which did not prove to be a walk in the park. Starting from pole and setting 10 fastest laps in a row, Schumi's 248 F1 rapidly lost pace, enabling Fernando Alonso's Renault to catch up at an alarming rate. Midway through the race, Alonso was hounding Schumi nose to tail, reminiscent of last year's Imola GP: except this time around, it was Alonso playing catch up. Through sheer skill and experience, the former world champion managed to keep Alonso behind, until the Renault team gambled on an early pit stop: Ferrari responded by pulling Schumi in on the next lap, and in a classic racing moment, pulled out of the pits in front of Alonso's Renault. With 2 laps to go, Alonso made a mistake at the Rivazza chicane after a late braking manoeuvre, handing 2 secs worth of breathing space for Schumi all the way to the finish, at which the red tide erupted. Must have been ages since I heard the Italian national anthem, which I have been dying to hear for the longest time! To celebrate, I wore red to school on Monday for my exams as promised :) Also, from then till now, I must have played the Italian national anthem on my computer about 50 more times...Si!

Gosh, I wonder what would happen if Singapore managed to put together a Marina Bay Grand Prix (Bernie and the SG govt have both commented on the possibility, together with multiple speculations about having a Monaco-like a street circuit), or even, a Singapore based F1 team with Singapore drivers. To hear the Majulah Singapura and see the Singapore flag being raised after a maiden GP win would indeed be interesting...I must be dreaming again.

HAHAHA

2006-04-12T05:18:00.000-03:00

I love Blizzard. Apart from being one of the best game companies (name the criteria yourself), they also have a great sense of humour: gamers who have played the Warcraft series will remember what happened when u keep clicking on a unit one too many times (eg the sorceress' "click me baby, one more time"). Also, one of their traditions is April fools jokes, which usually involve incredulous press releases passed off as serious, official ones: You can usually tell when its an april fools' joke from their absurdity alone, and also, the tell tale date. The problem is, when they get reasonable enough to be believable, that's when they really have you. And trust me, I had plenty of fun with my friends :)

Recovery of "A reflection on thought"

2006-04-09T02:11:00.000-03:00

One of the old posts I thought worth salvaging as I clean up and delete my old blog:

One of the many valuable lessons I learnt in 2004 was that sometimes thought is not enough. We can uncover more about ourselves not through our thinking, but reflecting on that very thought process. Thought deals directly with the subject matter, be it life, God, love or simply which bus should u take, but reflection on that thought reveals our exegesis, or interpretation on those matters. By engaging in this, we are trying knowing ourselves better: We begin to know our assumptions on things, and the methodology, and things that we consider important. Finding ourselves unnecessarily dogmatic or overly skeptical, we see the root of the problem and are in a much better position to fix things. To know our condition of slavery is a greater blessing than attempting to understand and work within that slavery (Plato's Republic, Book 7).

"Know thyself", the simple dictum of the oracle at Delphi, is in reality a question of great difficulty that I dare say all philosophers throughout the ages have preoccupied themselves with. If only we can start with ourselves first, then perhaps we can take a step towards self realisation.

Apology ver 2.0 (or, the final answer to "why philosophy"

2006-04-09T00:43:00.000-03:00

So many times I've been called to account for my choice of study, and almost as many answers I have given, to different people at different times. I suspect in the coming years no one will even bother asking anymore, they will all be thinking that I must have been stupid or something. Most of my friends I know for sure will go on to be incredibly successful people: businessmen, lawyers, doctors, bankers, programmers and game designers, engineers, analysts. Soon enough, everyone will be earning 5 digit salaries. Yes, sometimes I ask myself what's not to like about that, and the truth is, there isn't. The problem is, everything else is.

Yes, I think I've thought about this carefully, and maybe I might come to regret this in 10 years time when I can't afford a $330,000 wedding and 3 cars. Maybe I will even have trouble finding someone foolish enough to wear my band. When all the doctors, lawyers and businessmen are sipping tea at the top of Dubai's the sail hotel, I will be stuck at the bottom of a pile of papers without the possibility of parole. Nick must not have been rational.

So here once and for all, I provide one final answer: I simply love this s**t. Philosophy changed my life, and I am most glad to explain in detail to anyone who wants to know why. There is only one true kind of freedom, and that is freedom of "geist", the German word for "mind", "spirit", and even "human". I cherish having that freedom. I want to wake up every day knowing that I did not run away from what needed to be asked: at the end of the day, you may not have all the answers, but, its the path that counts. And if anyone doesn't already think I'm mad, I invite you to try it for yourself. I hope that's sufficient :)

Wah lau. What the hell.

2006-04-01T22:56:00.000-04:00

What a disappointing Australian GP. With 13 cars finishing the race, and the safety car interrupting the race pace numerous times, must have been one of those days when I wished I wasn't watching. Rosberg and Massa collided and put each other out of the race, Montoya spinning his car on the warmup lap and retiring from a points scoring position, Fisi stalling and squandering his 2nd position on the grid, Webber retiring from a mechanical fault in his home race, Schumi lapping with incredible pace to challenge for 5th place but a bump after the last turn put him into the wall, and Tiago Monteiro holding up Kimi Raikkonen during a safety car period.

Firstly, they should really do something about the last corner at the Melbourne circuit, the bump after the kerbing causing Schumacher and Montoya to retire unceremoniously, after pushing too hard and going onto the grass, using up the length of the kerb. Surely no driver should be punished in that way.

Jenson Button was really sway (unlucky): starting from pole position, he could only manage 5th position as he was diving down the last corner, holding off the Fisi in the Renault. Just as he was about to take the chequered flag after a successful defense, the Honda engine went up in flames and he stopped metres from the finishing line. Wtf. And we haven't even mentioned him being held up numerous times behind the back markers and after pit stops. Really was rooting for him to win his first race.

Of course, I have to admit that Alonso held out well to win in a race where the safety car cut short his lead more than twice. Also, Kimi always seems to want to prove a point by setting fastest lap on the last lap of the race. If this summary sounded boring, its because I'm feeling incredibly bored and disappointed.

Silence

2006-03-29T10:12:00.000-04:00

Silence is simply the cessation of speech. It means not that we think no more, nor that we are no longer remembering. It means not that we are no longer seeking, or awaiting, or hoping. It means not that we are no longer watching, following or listening. In silence we express not love, nor hate, nor passion, nor anger, but we have not ceased to feel them. In the silence we suffer, we long, we try to stand. In silence we see the limits of speech, and are shown that there are other ways to breech the limits of silence. Who knows the meaning of silence?

There is silence that worries and a silence that assures,
A silence that respects and a silence that mocks,
A silence that is nothing and a silence which is fullness,
A silence that we embrace and a silence which we refrain,
A silence that we confide in and a silence to which we are silent,
A sllence that doubts and a silence which believes
A silence that is rages with hatred and a silence which overflows with love.

In this silence I behold you, and I remember you as I think of you. The last vestiges of you are fading away, but I still seek, await and hope. I am watching, listening and following in the silence. Gazing deep into the silence I find you, and I find myself.

The Verdict is Vengeance

2006-03-22T09:40:00.000-04:00

"remember remember, the 5th of november, gunpowder treason and plot...i know of no reason, why the gunpowder treason, should ever be forgot"

Saw V for Vendetta over the weekend, it must be the most awesome thing I saw in a long time. Most awesome I must say, and to top it off the protagonist V is a poet, romantic and rebel wearing a Guy Fawkes mask. Herbert and I were discussing and disputing several parts of the show as we sat at Macs Lido, and I suspected that Lawrence, Vicki and Joyce were bored to death. I loved the fact that V never took off his mask throughout the movie, and the same willy smile his mask adorned all the scenes: of mischief, sadness, love, resoluteness and finally calmness in the face of death. In the Socratic sense, one is truly free when one is freed from the fear of death. (Plato's Phaedo)

The question remains, is terrorism ever justified? If one can justify the use of terrorist methods in the name of overthrowing of an authoritarian regime, what about in the case of the use of terrorism, or any other kind of force in propagating religious agenda, or in the defense of religion? Firstly of course, terrorism is different from open war, but both involve violence and the use of force. Also, defensive action is different from offensive, and justice different from personal vendetta. Suddenly I smell Michael Walzer's "Just and Unjust Wars". I must stop here, but not before saying that freedom is the fundamental presupposition of all meaningful human action and consequently moral choices. We come to believe or reject only by having the freedom to do so, in the case of religion or even philosophy. Here I adopt the Hume-Mill theory's account of freedom, the ability to act uncoerced.

From the American founding was born one of the most important documents of political philosophy, the declaration of independence. The document proclaims the natural right of all men to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness premised upon the belief that men were created equal by their creator. As such, "government is instituted among men" to protect these rights. What most people don't know (maybe its just me) is that the rest of the document is a summary of the tyrannical acts of the king of England against the states. What does it mean to be free? We continue our ponderances.

In other news, raceday Sunday saw non stop action at the Sepang circuit in Malaysia, Nico Rosberg stealing the limelight by taking 3rd place on the grid in the Williams-Cosworth, his partner Mark Webber lining up beside him in the 2nd Williams. The battle from the flag off saw both drivers refusing to give way to each other, resulting in Fernando Alonso overtaking both of them at turn 1, from a superb start: Renaults really seem to have the power frm off the line. Sadly, both Cosworth engines gave up spectacularly in the hot tropical weather, meaning the end of the race for both drivers.

Michael Schumacher set the 4th fastest qualifying time, but an engine change put him 10 places behind in 14th. Felipe Massa and David Coulthard's (RBR Ferrari) engine changes called into question the reliability of the Ferrari V8. Both Massa and Schumi did well to finish 5th and 6th, but not without a whole lot of people running in front of them retiring for various reasons. Saddest among them was prob Nick Heidfeld who blew his engine with just 8 laps to go. Of course, there was Kimi who suffered a rear collision by Klien on the first lap and retired having barely begun. Wonder if anyone remember last year when Kimi's suspension gave way on the last lap and he was on his way to winning. Such is life :)

So it was a Renault 1-2, first time in 20+ years, with Fisichella taking the win with a margin of 5s from Alonso.

Friday afternoon blues

2006-03-17T03:40:00.000-04:00

Today I decided to skip auditing the Political Science class (frm 2-5), attempting to spend my time reading more for the classes that I am actually enrolled in. The lack of Political Philosophy is really killing me, although the Philosophy of Culture class is turning out to be quite inspiring. Getting a little sick of Neo Marxist thought though, and frankly, the "one dimensional man" type criticisms of mass culture itself is becoming quite "one dimensional".

Saw Kings of Convenience yesterday, but forgot to bring my camera...The 2 memebers harmonised their accoustic/vocal numbers to perfection, playing to a full house of 1600 at the espanade. Considering that before yesterday I didn't know a single KOC song, my first impresssions were pretty good. The only complaint I have is that their musical style varies little..Erlend is especially cool, as I commented to Anna, he looks cool even while wearing that huge pair of 70s plastic frame spectacles. Reminds me a bit of Adam Clayton (U2 bassist) in the "unforgettable fire" era when U2 just started out almost 26 years ago. Sometimes cool is not about how you look but how you carry yourself.

Missing

2006-03-13T14:47:00.000-04:00

Now I really dread to think about how many potential posts remained drafts and how many letters I have yet to write, but please forgive my lateness. Work has been piling up as of late, and I have not much inspiration to complete any of it. Of course, as I was mentioning to a friend, producing inspired work counts less than meeting deadlines, and I am quite well aware of that fact of school life by now. I used to never be able to write unless I was inspired, but now sometimes we just have to make do. One of the more miraculous things that happened to me last week was getting back a philosophy mid-term test, and realising that I actually scored 1/2 mark frm the top scorer. It was amazing grace really, if u considered that I was quite ill-prepared and running a pretty high temperature that morning, hence brain was functioning nowhere near optimum. Thanks Ann, for praying for me!

The first F1 grand prix was held in Sakhir, Bahrain over the weekend, and Ferrari are back! Schumacher takes 2nd place, and would have won if not for a half car length advantage that Alonso had after his exit into turn one from a well timed pitstop. The 2 Ferrari fans, Kah Guan and myself grimaced and screamed in agony as Schumi in the prancing horse didn't make it in front of the Renault. Also, Kimi Raikkonen drove what was one of the most inspired drives of the weekend, coming from the back of the grid (due to his rear suspension failure during qualifying)to 3rd place on the podium. Impressive indeed. Nico Rosberg is the other man to watch, scoring 2 points in his rookie debut, surely a sign of bigger things to come.

Yes, Toronto has been at the back of my mind these 2 weeks, I know I left a part of me back there. But what can we do besides look to the future and hope, right? :) Still figuring out how to put up my photos in the most efficient way for viewing, so please bear with me. After an inspiring Flash and Dreamweaver demonstration by Lawrence, I am motivated to try out a little bit of HTML and website tweaking myself.

So to everyone still bogged down by work and needing desperate inspiration, hang in there and stay calm. Pray. Take a deep breath. We're all in this together.

Hermeneutics as Politics

2006-02-23T04:01:00.000-04:00

Die. I was self assigned a presentation on Hans Georg Gadamer's "Truth and Method" next week, along with a mid term test on the philosophy of culture. Hermeneutics is immensely interesting, Currently browsing through Carl Schmitt's "Concept of the Political". Schmitt's contention is that the political is defined as the distinction between friend and enemy (cf. Plato's Republic, Polemarchus' view). (Un)Coincidentally, "Polemarchus" translates as "war lord", and both Schmitt and his friend Heidegger have this concept of "polemos", or war, in their political philosophy. (also that's where the word "polemic" comes from). For me, the friend/enemy anti-thesis is a really illuminating one when it comes to understanding politics. Schmitt along with Heidegger are opposed to Liberalism, and Schmitt for its prospect of undoing this fundamental political concept, which he claims is fundamental to humanity: One is only human insofar as he takes his life seriously, and this gravity comes inherent in the political as the possibility of dying for what one stands for. Tracy Strong calls it Schmitt's "Existential Hobbesianism". (Think "Dasein is a Being-towards-death" of Heidegger, crossed with Hobbes' "State of Nature" in the Leviathan).

In other news, Oasis concert is tonight and I'm not as excited as I should be, perhaps not even exicted enough to have paid 160 bucks for front row tickets. I'm not bringing my camera, having learnt my lesson frm the U2 concert: took too many pictures and forgot to enjoy myself more. Exceptions aside, capturing the moment is not more fundamental then enjoying the moment. And thats what I'm going to do later.

Aporia

2006-02-13T11:52:00.000-04:00

Shout outz to all tha people in toronto...Yes, my blog isn't officially dead yet. Been deciding between drawing the curtains on this one and shifting to a new address, but till I finally manage to win the internal battle with myself, it stays put. But expect a more angry/disgruntled mood, and an avalanche of philosohpy related posts soon. This blog is about to turn more controversial. As I get progressively busier, I expect to only be able to make a post a week, but we'll see how things go. Occasionally u might find the mundane lament or a music/movie review, or some incredibly tough philosophical bullcrap I can't figure out, feel free to comment or help me out. Also, expect links to my comprehensive photo selection of my Toronto and New York trip

So the month since I got back can be summarised as follows: Ill for a whole week, then trip up to KL, karting and lots of food, after which i fell ill again after wine drinking in the afternoon. 40 mins of go karting at the Shah Alam circuit kicked ass. Martyn's 190 km/h along the NS highway is not advised, but we're not known for taking advice :) I've played U2's Live at slane castle (courtesy of Xuan) to death and watched Live in Chicago for the 20th time. My neighbours might actually think Bono lives in my house. New year was esp quiet this year, though its supposed to be my year, yr of the dog. I remember replying to my friend's question of whether I'm looking to get attached this year with "yeah, I'm lookin for ma bitch" :P I kid, I kid. Its been a crazy month, been meeting so many people that I haven't had time to sit down and start work on so many things. And worst of all, before I know it, mid term break's arrived. I need to start my brain working again before its too late, not been getting many flashes of brilliance this year yet.

Been debating whether we should start with Kojeve's "Introduction to the reading of Hegel" or Kant's "Political Writings" for the reading group. I'm getting immensely bored of sch and need more invigorating political philosophy to get me started on thinking. One more thing. Save for the Philo department and a handful of other lecturers in NUS, the rest of the university sucks. Its boring me to death. I f***ing miss U of T Philosophy and Political Theory. And all u people in Toronto esp. What the f*** am I doing here. Till the next time I get to take a breather, keep warm and pls eat your meals (yes u know who I'm talking about). I will call you people one by one once i manage get u all at the right times...

Yours truly,
Nick

And to the 5 grammys U won. U2, U rock. And u didn't need no academy to validate your greatness.

YVR Airport Monologues

2006-01-07T19:43:00.000-04:00

"*&*(@^(*^#*&#" -Nick, 12.45pm, Sitting at YVR airport cafeteria

How nice, I never expected to be making my last post in Canada from YVR airport on my laptop past my departure time. After sitting for 4 hours on the carpeted floor, I really feel like I need to stretch. Before this becomes a long complaint post, I just want to say Air Canada sucks big time, pls don't ever take AC: if I had a choice in the future, I will never take AC ever again. Never thought that I was a difficult customer to please, but they managed to piss me off this time, well done! Looks like I'm going to miss my connecting flight back to SG, now it looks like I'll be getting back closer to 1PM on Mon. After waiting for 6 hours in YVR Airport, the thought of spending another 7 hours overnight at HKIA isn't all that appealing. Somehow, telling them that I'm feeling ill and badly need a place to rest isnt enough to gain me access to the lounge, due to the overwhelming number of business class customers already filling it up. The only thing I got was a $10 meal voucher, and no reason as to why we were delayed at all. And here I am paying $17 for wireless internet access. Wow.

I guess its not all that bad, having had the time to call a few people before I leave, and the pleasure of waking up my friends at 9.30 in the morning back home :P Also, I got to browse through the canadian tourist merchandise at a leisurely pace, learning about foods that I didn't knew existed: Canadian Icewine/Maple Tea, Maple flavoured cookies, Maple candies, and a refrigerator full of smoked salmon (yum :P) In addition to doing some last minute shopping for souvenirs and fumbling around with my two 10kg bags and posters, I also had the opportunity to reprise the nostalgic side of me, thinking of the people in toronto that I've left behind. There is a part of me that still hasn't left toronto, I know it, and I'm kinda afraid it never really will. Guess being overly sentimental is just me.

Anna and Faith
The Moo buddies, esp HX!
Theo the caffeine queen
Joel, Andrew and all those I know at UC
Ed the Chef n J the Photog
MSSA people
Les and Alina
Pam and Pris
Loy, El and Pen
All at the PP, 19th German Philo, POL200, Heidegger and Emile seminars, esp Ben n Linda
My Profs, esp C.Orwin, E.Andrews and B.Pollock
All in Vancouver, esp Ralph n Ms Chin
All of you whom I've had the opportunity of meeting in the past 4 months...

You all make it so tough for me to walk on that plane, and trust me, its not just my overweight baggage. Its a blessing to have known all of you. 1 more hour to boarding the flight. I am so going to screw AC over if they don't get me a place to sleep at HKIA later on. Dudes and Babes in SG, get ready for my bad singing soon, but not soon enough :P

Half comatose, back aching and feeling warm,
Nick

What a dick. (or, why we cannot go back)

2005-12-19T17:34:00.000-04:00

Iranian president bans western music

There is one thing that man should learn from history, if not two. Firstly, it is that we cannot go back to the garden of eden. Secondly, if I might add a cliche, is that we do not learn from history at all. That's why history is cyclical: whether it is progress or regress then depends on whether its an upward or downward spiral.

In Constant's speech on the liberty of the ancients as compared to that of the moderns, he contrasts 2 forms of acquisition: the ancient world relied on war and the modern, on commerce. Accompanying this distinction are the two sets of liberties proper to the age: "positive" and "negative" (or freedom from constraint to act as one pleases). Commerce implies connection to the outside world, and as such, a degeneration of morals if you please (cf. opening scene of Republic set in Piraeus). In the globalised world (esp with the internet), it is nearly impossible to censor. Insofar as we participate in the world as a "global-citizen", we participate consciously or unconsciously in the exchange of cultures (or alternatively, in a "clash of civilisations"). This does not however entail that we cannot make moral judgements and exercise prudence on our part. But I hesitate to say that all men are capable of enlightened moderation at all times: we all know most of the time it is the contrary (just think of the frequency of binging, drinking parties, orgies and the like.) But even this itself presupposes the possibility of making moral judgements on some universal standard, whether transcendent or conventional. In practice this is not possible. By sober reflection, one will come to realise the problems. May I just add that categorically rejecting the whole of western music as degenerate products of a degenerate culture is plain stupidity.

Political Philosopher Stanley Rosen, in an interview brought to my attention by Loy, inspired this response. In the Republic as a requirement of the perfect regime, Socrates suggests that all those above the age of ten must leave the city (ie, be killed): in other words, starting from zero. This does not mean that Plato, Socrates, or Plato's Socrates proposed it actually be carried out: on the contrary, the irony suggests that the perfect regime is in fact impossible. The most recent example I can think of that has actually been carried out in practice is Pol Pot's Khmer Rouge regime: the dug up skulls tell the story, and it is as far from utopia as a nightmare is from a beautiful dream.

For one, erasing memories is not possible, and is horribly dishonest. To be silent about atrocities is bad enough, but denying in speech that the holocaust ever happened is downright despicable. If in fact man has a permanent human nature which tends towards corruption, or at any rate is extremely difficult to prevent from becoming so, we are making a serious mistake. (take for instance "lord of the flies" or M Night Shyamalan's "the village", among countless of other examples). For that reason, toying with history textbooks and attempting to erase memories is not the way to go. We will do well with knowledge of the permanent human condition, with whatever has been written in the history books, and learning to moderate our actions acordingly. Lest we forget the lessons of the 20th century, of the practice of communism, fascism distorted from Marx and Nietzsche's theories.

Personally in view of this, I think a form of moderated realism is much more reasonable in practice than Political romanticism any day. That does not mean we cannot entertain the ideals of utopianism: in fact, we should always meditate and reflect on the praiseworthy, good and just things, as Paul says. But at the same time, let us not forget the permanent human nature, and especially, how the worst tyrannies start.

On Music

2005-12-14T18:54:00.000-04:00

"My tea's gone cold I wonder why, got out of bed at all...the morning raincloud's up my window, and I can't see at all, and even if I could it would all be grey, but your picture on my wall...it reminds me that its not so bad, its not so bad"

-excerpt from "Thank You" by Dido

I always contend that the music someone is listening to can tell a lot about the person. When I was growing up and angry, I was feeding on a lot of Gangsta Rap/Hip Hop. One of my most perceptive teachers once said that my vice was anger. At the same time I discovered Wu Tang Clan, Puff Daddy and Notorious BIG, some of my contemporaries were discovering KORN, Nirvana and Green Day. Sometimes its the aptness, the correspondance of the poetic lyric to your crummy situation. Or the feeling of being in love: we never forget those songs that sing on our behalf just exactly how we feel, its almost like someone understood you perfectly for 4 mins.

Not just that, good music is incredibly moving. I almost get closer to feeling more like an American after listening to the beastie boys' "Open letter to NYC", their defiant "love song" to the city that they call home. Beneath the facade of rebellious overgrown kids who still don't give a damn, lies a genuine experience of patriotism grown from the streets:

"Shout out the South Bronx where my mom hails from
Right next to High Bridge across from Harlem
To the Grand Concourse where my mom and dad met
Before they moved on down to the Upper West
I see you're still strong after all that's gone on
Life long we dedicate this song
Just a little something to show some respect
To the city that blends and mends and tests
Since 911 we're still livin'
And lovin' life we've been given
Ain't nothing gonna take that away from us
Were lookin' pretty and gritty 'cause in the city we trust
Dear New York I know a lot has changed
2 towers down but you're still in the game
Home to the many, rejecting no one
Accepting peoples of all places, wherever they're from

Brooklyn, Bronx, Queens and Staten
From the Battery to the top of Manhattan
Asian, Middle-Eastern and Latin
Black, White, New York you make it happen"

Contrast this to crass nationalism, its a thousand times more genuine. Perhaps this may even be a fitting response to Heidegger, that even in the most extreme homeless and rootless cosmopolitanism of NYC, man may still find himself a home.

Nick's Playlist

2005-12-04T00:42:00.000-04:00

Top 10 Plays on Winamp

1)Elevation (Tomb Raider Mix)-U2
2)I Wish You Were Here-Incubus
3)Holiday-Greenday
4)Vertigo-U2
5)Sway-Bic Runga
6)Wake Me Up When September Ends-Greenday
7)Till I Hear It From You-Gin Blossoms
8)One-U2
9)Bad Day-Daniel Powter
10)Collide-Howie Day

The Serenity Prayer

2005-11-29T01:16:00.000-04:00

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference."

-Reinhold Niebuhr

Man desire peace and happiness. It is not just simply the Nietzsche's last man, but also the wise ancients. It is well said, in Aristotle's Nicomachean Ethics, that eudaimonia (translated as "flourishing" or "happiness") is the highest good at which all things aim. Yet there is a disjuncture between happiness as we Hobbesian/Lockean men and women understand it today, and the flourishing of the soul that the ancients described. Enough, Nick. You are name dropping again aren't you? Is your soul so bitter at your life of comfort that you have to bite the hand that feeds you?

Let me put it in a simpler manner. Our problem is this: we desire happiness and we think we know how to get it. It turns out that most of the time, it turns out to be a "joyless pursuit of joy". I remember vividly in one of my classes, it was mentioned that "mortgage" in latin literally means "death grip". Pay until you die.

Many a times we forget what's truly important in our lives. It is not coincidental that Aristotle simply dismisses the life of pleasure. Instead, the discussion of friendship and the contemplative life occupies a central role in the Ethics. We often forget to "treat others never simply as a means but always at the same time an ends", that our true ends are people, human beings. The human being is human insofar as he is self-conscious, but at same time conscious of others: the two are inseprable. Man is a social and political animal, we find our place and happiness among others. So call a friend! Sit down and enjoy the company of each other! Relax a little! Yes, especially you, sis, on your birthday. Take a walk and enjoy the sentiment of your existence.

Apologies if I pissed off any well meaning reader. The Rousseau essay is driving me nuts. I am not bitter, nor hopeful, nor do i hope to change the world. That was so yesterday. Instead, I wish you peace, dear friend.

Help!

2005-11-23T20:29:00.000-04:00

Finally finished the essay on Isaiah Berlin's Two concepts of liberty. Lesson learnt today, do not underestimate great thinkers. In fact, treat them with an ample amount of respect and read them very very carefully. The devil is in the details: I certainly hope the 34 footnotes does him justice. Reading Berlin, Strauss and Constant reminded me of my disdain for moral relativism and postmodernism. Now still running a slight temperature and cold, and hesitating to pick up Hegel's Preface to the Phenomenology of Spirit (yes, i'm speaking english.) Recounting yesterday's conversation with Faith on MSN:

Nick: Argh, dilemna. Need to get tea, but too cold to go out. Need to sleep but can't get to sleep. Need to do work but need tea.

In addition to that, the net was "down" for the past 2 days (which explains why I'm now sitting at Sydney Smith reading and typing), and due to complications I couldn't get my essay printed out. I finally got it done the hard way, ie paying CN$1.65 for 11 pages of b/w at Robarts library. Heading to class 2 hours late, I had to endure the last one hour listening to Sumner's arguments for indirect Utilitarianism, which seem to me horribly inconsistent (no this is not a simplistic objection). If u can't plug all the holes, its just not worth trying to salvage the position. Just abandon the damn ship! I have much more respect for Rawls' and Kant's arguments than for the Utilitarians'.

Negative One

2005-11-17T22:18:00.000-04:00

"here comes the rain again, falling from the stars...."

7.30AM. Woke up feeling absolutely miserable this morning, refusing to get out of bed. 9.30AM. Didn't manage to get to sleep the night before, was mulling over things and didn't manage to finish the readings for the class. Not sure why, life is getting to me. Or maybe its the weather. Scuttling out from under my comforter, I darted 2 steps across the icy floor to my chair in front of the computer. Its -1 deg, and "feels like" -8 deg with windchill. Back under the comforter. 9.53AM. Still unable to muster enough strength to get up. 10AM. After agitating my male ego for a while, which refuses to be a wuss, I finally started dashing.

10.25AM. Walked into 19th Century German Idealism class without having read much Holderlin. 1.45PM. Survived the class and watched a fantastic movie which im not sure i understood completely:"I Love Huckerbees". Walking out from UC, this is where my day really started....

Walking along to Syd Smith (where the political science department is), suddenly, bits of ice hit my jacket. Nothing especially amazing, it looked pretty much like the tiny bits I experienced when I was with penguin the other day. Halfway through the courtyard of UC, I saw Faith, standing just outside loudon house. At this moment, bits turned to pellets and it was raining flurries! Anna arrived, and 3 of us stood in the UC courtyard feeling utterly amazed. Next thing I knew, the maelstrom of flurries was pelting down on me as I waited for my sausage to be ready. Looking at the ground beside me, I saw the contrast of the brown soil with ice sprinkled all over it. Grabbing my hotdog and thanking the lady with e Italian accent, I ran as fast as I could into Syd Smith, my lunch collecting a more than generous sprinkling of flurries. 2.10PM. Met Leslie, was telling him I had ice in my hotdog, with icy hotdog in one hand and phone in the other. Sent a message to penguin with the following remark: "like icing sugar from the heavens". Magical :)

3-5PM: Sat in the department "job talk", listening intently as Prof Christopher Lynch presented his paper on Machiavelli. Amazing, didn't know he was coming down. Though I couldn't fully understand and catch everything, the heater I was sitting on was a big big consolation. I think both Prof Lynch and Machiavelli would have agreed. For now, I shall leave my 3 other friends to describe the flurries. Such magic.

Nick, freezing his ass off at the present moment.

On the difference between WRC and Formula 1

2005-11-12T02:56:00.000-04:00

We all know that the most ridiculous things happen in motor racing. After all, which circus in the world attracts thousands to pay hundreds of dollars per tick to roast under the 33 deg heat, just to watch 20 cars go round a circuit 55 times from the same perspective? What about the amount of fuel, rubber, carbon fiber, and grass wasted? Not to mention the politics of F1 gets thick up there with Bernie and Max. We all also know that its not just simple racing at the end of the day: egos clash, tempers flare, cash registers ring, people get paid and laid, oil sheikhs with moolah have their circuit in the middle of a desert. But to simply dismiss Formula 1 as just another sport is to forget what makes it truly great: the pinnacle of mechanical engineering, aerodynamics, computing, strategy, precision driving resulting in the difference of a thousandth of second between pole and 2nd place on the grid.

Yes, pretty poster boys get paid millions "just to drive", but not just to drive any car. That damn thing is a monster, and I salute the brave men who put their lives on the line at every corner and their faith in the light of the million and one things that can possibly go wrong. At 330Km/h, any slightest wrong twitch can kill, blink and u will miss yourself crashing into the wall for the last time. Gilles Villneuve, Ayrton Senna are among the scores of world class drivers who gave their lives in pursuit of glory. For inspiring, just read 2 time world champion Mika Hakkinen's heroic story at the formula one hall of fame.

Enough of vindicating the sport. The dangers of F1 are numerous, but they are of a different nature than say, WRC. At any rate they are more predictable, and racing within controlled conditions of the circuit does not require you to deal with the terrain. I mean, I was laughing my ass off when I first read about Petter Solberg's Subaru Impreza WRC hitting a kangaroo and putting him out of the race, but then I sobered up after realising that hitting the marsupial at "top gear and top speed" could have meant instant death for both him and his co-driver. And all that shock in addition to losing his 50.8 second lead and a potential victory. Many times I reflected, life perhaps is as unpredictable as racing, and all the more you appreciate both. R.I.P, kangaroo.

What's playing vol.1: Green Day

2005-11-10T23:36:00.000-04:00

Now, how many of my friends know that I love music? I guess virtually everyone i managed to annoy with my singing and air drumming/guitaring. Never having a talent for either, I always see myself more as the DJ/music connoseiur (did i spell that wrong? Can't be bothered to check the spelling) type that doesn't give a **** that he can't play anything, just thankful that his soul has the ability to appreciate music. Just as 11 years of fantastic Pop music has managed to speak for me on my behalf and kept me sane, I think I've spread my favourite bands to friends just as much, and I still love to do that. So, after 11 years of Rap/Hip Hop, RnB, Pop/Rock, Bits of Jazz and not to mention accumulating 300+ CDs, I feel compelled to give an introduction to some of my favourites for people who have never heard them. New friend(s), hope you enjoy them even more than I do, and the rest, recall the old days!

The beginning is always a choice place to start, and for me that will always be end 93/94. For those who remember, 1994 was the year Green Day turned mainstream, and they've since been honored at the 2005 Grammys for their Rock Opera-ish LP "American Idiot". Make no mistake, they've never sold out: rip out their musical heart, and it will undoubtedly read "punk". A sample of Green Day's history, as according to this GD fan of 11 years.

1)When I come around (1994, Dookie)
2)Basket Case (1994, Dookie)

My first impression of Greenday: Heard them being advertised "over the airwaves" during the days when Mark Richmond and Bernard Lim were still DJs at Perfect Ten (before it was renamed some lameass "987FM". In those days I had not a clue what punk rock was, and Nirvana meant **** to me. But this was the Greenday I first knew, and that I'll always remember: Situated somewhere between the melodic and yearning "When I come around" and the insanely explosive "Basket Case". I had the album "Dookie" on a cassette, can u believe that? I will always contend that I made Leonard a Green day fan, he's undisputedly a much bigger one than me today of course.

3)Brain Stew (1995/1996, Godzilla Soundtrack, Insomniac)

"I'm counting sheep but running out". Another classic greenday.

4)The Grouch (1998, Nimrod)

"I was a young boy that had big plans, now i'm just another shitty old man, I don't have fun and I hate everything, the world owes me so fuck you..."

This has the dubious honor of being the most promising GD song never released as a single, also one of the catchiest and most hilarious songs of the jilted generation in my opinion. Perhaps its their prophecy of what's to come for aging punk rockers. Sometimes u secretly wished u will never end up like that, though somehow it all seems inevitable. Depressingly funny...absolutely fantastic. Vividly remember hearing it on Glenn Ong's late night show.

5)Worry Rock/Walking Alone (1998, Nimrod)

2 unreleased tracks from Nimrod that showcase GD's various musical styles. The brief harmonica refrain from "Walking Alone" remains one of my favourite touches.

6)Hitchin a Ride (1998, Nimrod)

7)Warning/Minority (2000, Warning)

Transiting to a softer GD, but the themes are still the same: Live unapologetically, screw the authorities.

8)Wake me up when September ends (2005, American Idiot)
9)Holiday (2005, American Idiot)
10)Jesus of Suburbia (2005, American Idiot)

Keeping in line with the generally left leaning views of almost all rebellious punk rock bands, Billy J Armstrong and gang have decided to mount an attack on the "redneck agenda", no prizes for guessing who's. Grammys aside, "Wake me up when september ends"(the video), "Holiday", and most of "American Idiot" have explicitly anti-war stances. Greenday at their most political. Almost reminds me of the old U2. "Jesus of suburbia" reminds me of Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody": a pastiche of styles and the sing-along musical of varying moods, at once displaying GD's versatility and maturity. All in all, a fitting offering with something both for new and old fans.

Nick

Its one of them days...

2005-11-10T23:18:00.000-04:00

ARGH.

No, dont get me wrong, I had a wonderful day today, and there's really no reason for me to complain. Its just that I can't get to sleep now, adrenaline pumping after 2 games of Warcraft 3 TFT. Headache is looming and I can't concentrate on getting anything in my head at the moment. German Idealism(Schelling and Fichte) is just too dense for me (U2's "One" reinterpreted in the light of Spinozism), and Kojeve is interesting but not exciting enough right now. Feel like jumping out and running down Bloor to get the Live 8 DVD but its 3 degrees outside. Don't want to be seared by the cold wind another time today, enough cups of tea, and tea turned cold. It snowed today and I wouldn't have realised it. Eyes getting tired.

*One Liners* Leslie don't smoke too much, its going to ****ing kill you someday. I really wanna say that to Dr Wong too but i seriously doubt he'll listen. Lawrence, KG, and the other formula one fans, anyone keen on heading down to Sepang for Malaysian GP 2006? Dad you are amazing, can you hear it up there, old man? Adrian thanks for getting me the room dude, I owe you one. Leo Tolstoy you are amazing, the "kingdom of heaven" is within you. "I'm a believer". Penguin violence.

Its all quiet now at 10.35 PM. Can anyone hear me? Thank you God :)

Boh Liao

2005-10-31T23:46:00.000-04:00

Your Type is: ENFP

Extroverted Intuitive Feeling Perceiving
Strength of the preferences %
22 62 38 67

Qualitative analysis of your type formula

You are:

* slightly expressed extrovert
* distinctively expressed intuitive personality
* moderately expressed feeling personality
* distinctively expressed perceiving personality

www.humanmetrics.com

Diary of an ungrateful dreamer

2005-10-31T21:54:00.000-04:00

Last day of the month already! Time surely flies, and that is part of my worry. Human lives are filled with unnecessary worry. Did I do enough? Did I do too little? Am I doing enough? What shall we eat, what shall we wear? Am i worrying too much? Am I worrying too little? Perhaps I should go back to work now and stop ranting. I should be simply happy and contented for the numerous sacrifices that so many people have made for me so I can be where I am today. But it is precisely for that reason that I should not take things for granted and be critical. Education is towards the fully formed man, and that is never complete without a knowledge of how things actually work, and contemplation about life is as essential part of that.

Oh yeah, and I hate having to deal with lawyers. Yes, lawyers perform critical functions, but it still follows that if no one broke the law and there were trust and honor, there would be no need for lawyers. Same for doctors, if there were no diseases and sicknesses, there are no need of physicians. Are we addressing the root cause of all our problems, or are we recalcitrants who are willing to settle for 2nd rate solutions in order not to address our root problems? To my many friends who are doctors and lawyers, I think you are performing noble jobs, and I salute you, saving lives from the grip of death and justice from the very people who want to dishonor it, the essence of your vocations. But our reality is as such.

-The ungrateful dreamer

Busy Busy Busy...too little time!

2005-10-06T18:32:00.000-03:00

A little bit of a contradiction isn't it, if I were busy I wouldn't have time to post (?) Well, I'm taking a break now and trying to clear up a bit of mail. The afternoon nap of 2 hours helped get rid of a headache, and finally a longer rest of weekend is coming. The week so far has been crazy, culminating in the worst wednesday. I can't believe that I still have admin stuff to do (my course pack/reader hasn't arrived at the bookstore), really wanna get down to doing work and not waiting around to get paperwork done, or rent paid. Or perhaps thats just a permanent fact of life, and I've been taking my rest time for granted. Work awaits, whatever the case...

Here's a brief recap of the hectic week

Oct 1: Getting in touch with nature, and the agrarian side of me (doesn't exist, haha), visiting the farmer's market, picking apples on a real apple farm was really fun. (I shall post up the photos soon) After that had a tour of church st from the car and bubble tea in the evening, soon after I got back I fell sick from lack of sleep and too little water :P

Oct 2: Happy 19th, Anna! Fantastic chinese food from Spadina and lots of apple crumble from the day before :P

Oct 3-4: School, spent the greater part of tuesday in the great confusion of Heidegger's thought. I still think he shouldn't have been a Nazi.

Oct 5: Happy Birthday, Ryan! Dun get too stressed. I'm sure the future of our medical care is in good hands (:P) Remember to put a drum set in your clinic next time. Today was the most frenzied day of my stay in Toronto, runnin around for the entire day trying to get stuff done. paying rent, bookstore and stuff. Promised to be more organised.

Oct 6: Kant and the Moral Law "written in our hearts": I think his argument wasn't convincing enough. Now trying to finish up "Prolegomena to any future Metaphysics" and 2nd Critique. Had my customary weekly hot italian sausage hotdog for lunch, then went down to the student exchange fair to ask a few questions.

Now its time for me to go deal with my laundry (again!) and take a bath, the temperature an all week high of 26 deg, and humidity of 65%. Take care all of you at home, and I shall post once work is done!

The Greatest View

2005-09-30T14:20:00.000-03:00

Visit to the Cn Tower last weekend, finally have the time to upload photos...

The infamous glass floor, where unlucky visitors will plunge the full 440+m all the way down in case the glass breaks. It can take the weight of 7 elephants though :)

The night scape is simply breathtaking, if I can be forgiven for using that cliche expression.

Now what about this...the highway to the west of Toronto (Waterloo, Kitchener, Hamilton) in all its evening glory, a streak of bright lights.
Someone gotta teach me how to take better night shots...Flash just washes out everything and a long exposure needs tripod. Oh wait, I'm not the one taking the photo :P

Short remarks on Kant's Moral Law

2005-09-30T14:11:00.000-03:00

Having sat through 19th century German Philosophy class on Kant's Moral Law, I cannot help but be deeply suspicious (I am of course not saying I am right) that his argument is trying to draw some unwarranted conclusions. Perhaps the influence of Rousseau's view of the sentimentality of man and the general will on him is too significant to ignore here in the Critique of Practical Reason, and is present in hidden premises. Kant says about Rousseau:

"I am myself by inclination a researcher. I feel in fullest measure the thirst for knowledge and the greedy desire to progress in it, as well as satisfaction at every advance. There was a time when I believed that this alone could constitute the honor of mankind, and I despised the vulgar which knows of nothing. Rousseau brought me into the right shape. That illusory distinction vanished; I learn to respect human beings, and I should consider myself more useless than the common workingmen if I did not believe that this consideration could give value to all others by establishing the rights of man." (quote taken from Kant's Observations on the sense of the beautiful and the sublime)

Kant's practical project would then, be to try to give a rational basis for Rousseau's General Will, which is of course the traditionally accepted view.

6.30 A.M Friday Morning, having cold feet

2005-09-30T07:30:00.000-03:00

Yesterday, having just experienced what a sustained 8 deg feels like and sleeping through 7 deg feeling too warm because of too much clothing, am getting quite apprehensive about winter. I mean, 11 deg in the morning is already freezing my hands off, I think -11 is going to kill me. Finally, now at 12 noon we're at a more human 15 deg this morning, thank God. Dim sum awaits at 3pm, and plenty of readings more to go.

John P Robarts Library

2005-09-28T22:05:00.000-03:00

Leslie to Library Receptionist: Just a question, how many books can you check out from the library?

LR: Whats your status?
L: (prolonged blank look) Oh...(smug look) I'm a graduate student.
LR: That will be X books
L: (wide-eyed) ?!!?!!?
Nick: What about an undergraduate?
LR: X/2 books
L and N: OMG.

Quiz question of the day: What is the value of X? Is it

a)20
b)30
c)40
d)80
e) Non of the above...OMFG(!)

Underneath your clothes

2005-09-27T23:26:00.000-03:00

There...finally managed to get the bitchass photo fuction to work. Damn thing screwed up on me for the weekend, wasted 3 hours of my time trying to upload the Vertigo World Tour pics...internet connection is pretty erratic here too, getting error messages while trying to connect to webpages. Why am I the one always getting the computer problems? (My entire music collection is on my portable HDD, and its refusing to work!) Enough complaining for now I guess. Now running up to the 18th floor to put my laundry in the commercial dryer, hope my clothes dun end up as rags on the 2nd time in my life im doing laundry.

Feeling a deep sense of achievement now, I didn't ruin my laundry! :) The next thing is to learn to cook myself something. Yes, the girls go ahead n laugh at me. Its getting incredibly expensive to eat out, and I am tempted to try to be even more independent. Problem is, getting pots and pans n utensils is not feasible for a 4 month stay and even if I do get them, shipping them back will be a problem. For that matter, shipping my books back is going to be a problem. Gotta start on readings man...

Vertigo Pics

2005-09-26T17:56:00.000-03:00

U2's Vertigo World Tour Part II

2005-09-25T23:24:00.000-03:00

Bono: "The edge came from the future"

Bono: The Edge, he came from the future. There we were at high school in Dublin, 3 of us, Larry Mullen Jr, Adam Clayton and me, and Edge stepped out of a capsule. (The Edge laughs).

Bono: I asked The Edge, "what was the future like?", and he replied: "its better" (crowd cheers).

U2's Vertigo World Tour Part I

2005-09-23T13:13:00.000-03:00

Sept 14, Air Canada Center, 7.30

Setlist, from www.u2-vertigo-tour.com/article183.html

Vertigo
The Electric Co.
Elevation
Beautiful Day / Many Rivers To Cross (snippet)
I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For
City Of Blinding Lights
Miracle Drug
Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own / Dirty Old Town (snippet)
Love And Peace Or Else
Sunday Bloody Sunday
Bullet The Blue Sky / The Hands That Built America (snippet) / When Johnny Comes Marching Home (snippet)
Miss Sarajevo
Pride (In The Name Of Love)
Where The Streets Have No Name
One / Ol' Man River (snippet)

Encore(s):
The Fly
With Or Without You
All Because Of You
Yahweh
Bad / 40 (snippet)

Hang up(s)

2005-09-22T19:33:00.000-03:00

What's the deal with hang up(s), you say. Sometimes its just things that you can't leave behind. But as Jeremy once said, its the "you" that can't leave it behind. Having hang up(s) is I gather, part of life as well. Maybe we just get more and more hung up about things as life goes on, just like the statue of Glaucus (Rousseau's metaphor for the human soul) gets increasingly disfigured as time goes by. But then what the heck, life goes on, and I am constantly reminded by all my friends, enemies and my very own stomach that "we have to eat". In the same way, we have to get to work and hence stop dwelling on the past. Ian, the main problem really is memory. If you cannot remember the unhappy moments that happened yesterday and consequently be hung up, you would be much better off (Cf. Nietzsche:healthier). But it would then follow that we are unable to remember the happy moments as well, and the contrast with unhappiness is lost as well. So memory is a curse, but a necessary one for a meaningful human life and it can potentially be a blessing, a little bit like free will. So now, let me try to leave my hang up(s) behind, and get a good laugh out of it instead :) Dinnertime!

Profession of faith

2005-09-22T02:19:00.000-03:00

On Life, education and living the good life

CONSIDER, THOUGH, THAT NO UNDERGRADUATES IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD TAKE THIS COURSE. YOU WOULD HAVE TO SPEND TWICE AS MUCH TIME ON IT AS ON ANY OTHER OF YOUR COURSES. WHEN YOUR FRIENDS ARE GOING TO CLUBS, PLAYING HOCKEY, OR JUST CHILLING OVER RERUNS OF “THE SIMPLE LIFE,” YOU WILL HAVE SLIPPED INTO A TRACKLESS MORASS, NEVER TO BE SEEN AGAIN. THIS BOOK REQUIRED EVEN KANT’S UNDIVIDED ATTENTION, AND YOU’RE NO KANT.

Somehow its difficult to forget that the purpose I am here in Toronto is primarily for my education, something which I have tried to grasp for all my years in school. Firstly it was in secondary school and junior college that I began to seriously question that which is the basis of a good education was not the one that was given to me in school. Save the GP lessons which I enjoyed tremendously, I felt that my education was going nowhere. If indeed we agree with the common sentiment that what is taught in schools is neither sufficient nor necessary to engage life with, then what else could be its practical function? An education in math and science does not teach you about life, not to say, how to live it well. If it is somehow implicit that we are educated in this manner through our socialisation process in school, I say school is unnecessary.

I remember writing a fiery polemical piece in my JC days, only a short paragraph before my anger consumed me, as well as other reflections on better days in my primary education. For me, that was the best time of my life in school, where friends were on the verge of losing their child-like innocence, but not almost. Friendships were more sincere, happiness was genuine, and all that before time robbed us of our natural goodness. For Rousseau, life then is and should be about trying to recover what is naturally good in men, and avoiding the education which denatures men to become citizens, assuming that the two is indeed true or possible.

The book referred to above by my kind Prof in his course outline is Rousseau's Emile, or on education. I always consider Plato's Republic, which contrasts two kinds of education, when thinking about my own. The dialogue then not just addresses the question on "what is justice", but rather, "what is education". There perhaps, Rousseau's answer agrees with the ancients, that it is only worthwhile pursuing one kind of education, the kind that leads you out of the cave to behold the full light of the sun. I'm indeed no Kant, but I think every human being is entitled to finding his own way out of the cave if he wants to, and to look for God, in the company of like minded people. It is here that the best kind of friendship is formed, in the pursuit of things good and true.

Nick
22/09/05

Greetings from Toronto!

2005-09-21T03:55:00.000-03:00

Yes yes, as if everyone has not already heard it enough times from me :) I must say its been an absolutely amazing week, both in school and out (but then school is smack downtown and you can tell cos everything's expensive). Admin's a bitch here cos things don't move as fast as you would like them to, but the tradeoff I guess is that everyone is a little more patient with you, not to say friendlier.

So finally, having been done with all the admin (Matric card, health insurance, Bank Draft, Mobile Phone, Add/Drop Courses), and school matters, I finally have time to pen a few thoughts and record a few memories of Toronto. Don't expect anything vaguely witty or thought-provoking from me here, as I only have time to record short snipplets. (I mean, what will there be left for me to brag about when I'm back if I tell it all now right?) :P

I will get down to introducing the campus and recounting the past week's events when I next have time, including the U2 concert on wednesday night, meeting Clifford Orwin for the first time on thursday afternoon, and having a really interesting weekend at Church (Baptist preachers are fiery!) and with friends. For now, Toronto has been so kind to me, first with the people and then with the weather. I am still immensely grateful to be here, and I hope I don't ever forget that. U guys back home, take care and I must say I really really miss being in the company of all u great people...do leave a comment if you please!

Nick